unexpected

i didn't expect to keep writing/blogging after i got home, other than pictures. then again, i didn't expect to be turned inside out. i wanted a journal of sorts of this trip and the byproducts that came with it. i realize much of this information isn't particularly interesting, but it gives me an outlet to organize the swirling thoughts. oh my. the drama has come back.

i haven't been anywhere since we got home weds. afternoon. honestly, i am nervous about seeing people because, most likely, i won't be able to stop the tears. i feel deeply sad and i can't quite pinpoint whether it is one particular thing or everything together. greg is feeling more blessed than melancholy. dang men. i am not used to sad. if i am honest, i would say i am more often mad than sad. i called my sister this afternoon and as always, she listened. didn't judge. and then imparted wisdom. older sisters are the best.

she guessed that the low i feel is the counterpart to the high i felt. wow. that hit the proverbial nail square on the head. i think i usually hover right around the middle on the emotional scale. after hitting an all-time high, i plummeted with an all-time low.

before we left, i was ready to go. but i was already ready to get back. have you ever done that? i had no idea what was about to happen. and to think we almost didn't go.

p.s. one positive of having these feelings -- i know abigail will have many moments/days of missing and yearning for her people and homeland. hers will run much, much deeper than what i am experiencing but i think this will help me understand her heart better. i will need to remember that time, love, and patience will go a long way.