poverty

i am on the hotel computer and cannot upload pictures. i know it is boring without pictures and i am so sorry!!!! but i feel the need to write and share, so you are stuck with my thoughts :)

there are a couple of things i want to remember and since this is my journal of sorts, i will write it out here. to eat here, you garden. there are gardens everywhere. it has been such a blessing, as a vegetarian, to have almost exclusively vegetables and fruit for every meal. and many of the gardens are on the sides of mountains. i think it may be called steppe or terrace gardening? i have talked often about the difficulty of life here and this is just one more example of things being an extra challenge. gardening is hard work even on flat ground. oh, and add no equipment for assistance.

the volcanoes, where we currently are, are breath-takingly picturesque. fog hovers around the tops. amazing.

mud. it is everywhere. we are in the beginning of the rainy season and every day it downpours. since the majority of roads are dirt, you can imagine what it does to wash them out.

i now can appreciate what rodney in haiti says about taking hours to go a few miles :)

this morning, we were blessed with attending sonrise church and school. did you know you can move your feet while singing in the choir? :) the choir is called the 'voices of angels' and that they were. preacher, if you are reading this, the service lasted 2.5 hours. tell everybody back home to back off :) there were many things they did that i liked -- the pastor would say 'God is good' and the children would respond with 'all the time'. then the pastor would say, 'all the time' and the children would say 'God is good'. for the offering, everyone would come forward and put their money into a large basket. kids were coming in from all directions. this is a boarding school and the service was predominantly young children. like 600-700. it was hilarious when the pastor came up to the westerners (that would be us :) during a song and had us get up and dance. can you say 'oh my!!!"

tonite we had a dinner with bishop john and several members of the bridge2rwanda team. what a blessing! i talked with bishop about our family adopting. he would support it in a nanosecond as he has adopted 4 times (and has 5 biological), but we will begin conversations once back home with some individuals who may be in a position to help. we will let God take the steering wheel and see where He takes us. tomorrow we go back to the CALM orphanage and we are buying pizza and pop! they have never had it and chantal said it would be a huge big deal! we will have to say our 'so long for now' to the kids. words cannot say how much i dread it.

today we went to the imbabazi orphanage. it consists of primarily older children as no new children are being taken. the grounds are amazing, amazing gardens. the guy who runs it said they sell bouquets in town to hotels and westerners for $5.00. in the US, they would sell for $100. i promise to post pics that sam took as it was hard to believe this beauty was tucked away in the midst of the poverty. we played all afternoon with the older orphans and gave them gifts that they were very, very grateful for. you feel so guilty driving away in a nice car with your nice camera, nice wallet, nice bottled water, nice, nice, nice.

i am wrestling with many things. i am homesick. and yet, leaving will be hard. i have no idea what the Lord wants to do with this experience. how do you come back to the luxury after seeing life here? although i have read many times about other's travels here, i now believe you have to see it firsthand to have it sink in. the poverty sickens me. i truly do not understand how they can stand it. it never ends. it is everywhere. everything is so dirty, so muddy, so depressing, so run-down. and yet the kids run beside your car smiling and just wanting to touch your hand. why do i want to rescue them when i don't even know that they want rescued? do i honestly believe a life of comfort and excess is what they need? as you can see, i am messed up :) the part that saddens me deeply about myself is that i don't know that i could stay here. i don't know that i have what it takes. then i remind myself, God has what it takes. it makes me feel so pathetic, so jaded, so high maintenance, so ridiculously lazy and spoiled, and most importantly so out-of-touch with the heart of God. i want to help these children and the only way to really help is to help them learn to sustain themselves. it is just overwhelming.

thomas, sarah, and phoebe - i miss you so very much. i want you to come here. it will change you.

Lord Jesus come quickly.